Navigating Love And Intimacy After A Cancer Diagnosis

While romance is at the heart of Valentine's Day, dating and intimacy don't come easy for everyone. Your self-esteem may be tested when you face a cancer diagnosis, but that doesn't mean you can't find ways to open up and let someone in.

Cancer is a personal journey, but sometimes the effects are obvious to everyone, whether you're suffering from hair loss, having a mastectomy, or having to carry a bag of fluids around. Changes in the body can be difficult to live with when thinking about intimacy.

Nicole McCallister, an oncology social worker at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center, says questions about how to cope often come up at cancer support meetings.

"How do I tell them? How do I show it? Even if it's a pre-existing relationship with a partner," says McCallister.

She says you can tell your new partner at your own pace that you have or have had cancer, but she suggests telling them at some point.

His advice is to "talk" to a close friend or family member with whom you feel most comfortable. She suggests that you be prepared for your partner's questions and be prepared to set boundaries.

"Maybe you have scar tissue that hurts. Maybe his pleasure spot was on his chest and now that part of his chest is gone," says McCallister.

Before taking your relationship to the next level, she suggests setting yourself up for success with these tips:

Connect with other successful survivors and understand where you are coming from.
Give yourself a little kindness. You may not be the same person or did the same things before you got cancer, and that's okay.
List your best qualities and highlight them rather than focusing on areas where you might feel stressed.
Consider new underwear and clothing that highlight your favorite areas and help hide areas you're uncomfortable with, like your back. B. Surgical scar.

“Focus on the positive. Maybe your hair grows out with a bit of curls and you like the pixie look. If your face is pale, get a new makeup or lipstick that stands out,” advises McCallister, who also reminds survivors that intimacy is not just about the bedroom, being vulnerable can be sexual, but there is spiritual and intellectual intimacy, and even just holding hands can be intimate act.

If you're married and suddenly experiencing new feelings, she suggests opening up with your partner, but also building their trust and sharing something about them that you find sexual, because they're probably just as nervous. .

Finally, he said that even though it was just a date, it was progress and recovery was something to go on.

"Remember you have something to offer, you are a great person, and if that person deserves it, great, if not, they are not for you."

For relevant resources, see Cancer.gov, Cancer.net, and AARP.

In the Valley, the Ironwood Cancer and Research Center offers support groups and resources you can learn more about by emailing socialwork@ironwoodcrc.com or wellness@ironwoodcrc.com, as well as a free two-part series on sexual health available in a YouTube book. page.